Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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