I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
