Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
