return my video game
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
