Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
