So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
