That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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