Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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