So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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