this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
