I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
