is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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