my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
