like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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