just tell him i said nine months
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
