Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
