so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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