Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
