I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
