'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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