I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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