Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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