It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
