i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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