i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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