STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
