guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Holy shit heās stupid hot! If you donāt hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
His wife found the thong I āforgotā in his glovebox
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