You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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