he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
