Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
