I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so let's talk penis.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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