Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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