i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
