Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
