My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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