it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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