if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
