Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
