Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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