My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You ever have a fart follow you around?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
