I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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