Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
