Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
