i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
