five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
