allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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