i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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