We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
