maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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