In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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