Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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