I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
