please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
