do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you had me at cake vodka
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
