Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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