I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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