I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
