oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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