You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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