Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
