How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
