it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
