his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
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to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
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I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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