love makes seman taste better
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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