I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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