she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
